Cocaine Corn is Good

BMW Drivers, Cocks, See the resemblance?

2009-07-02T10:37:00.021+08:00

BMW drivers sucks Power Rangers' sidekick balls. Big time.

Anyone remembers Alpha 5?

I can't remember when I developed a diabolical hatred for BMW's on the road, but I think it started when BMW drivers start acting like disgusting, face-melting big black cocks which holes fit golf balls. 2 of them. I can't stress enough how much I hate BMW drivers on the road. Now I'm sorry, if you drive a BMW, sell it off and stop being a cock that you are. Otherwise, make love to your stupid German car.

Just like him.

The other day I was cruising comfortably on the road at a comfortable 60. People who know me knows I'm not a so-called adrenaline pumping, fast driving, risk taking bloke who has an obsession of welding my skull to the nearest lamp post. And there I was, on that rainy afternoon just comfortably driving with a third of my eyes closed, just lowering down my chilling air-con and listening to some sweet symphony of metal. I can see the little droplets of rain dropping on my windshield, I thought it was forming some word, something like "Tits"... but I'm not sure. Then there was the clouds, the dark low clouds taking form of a black unicorn... The birds flying by soaking wet trying to... HOLYFUCKS!

O_O

Some middle aged cock somehow managed to squeeze through what's left of the road between my car and and another slightly in front to my left. Genuinely a wtf moment, shocked. It's almost like seeing The King of Pop again, in his red thriller suit, while he is white.

For no mere mortal can resist, the evil of the thriller.

It's either that or the utter dipshit on the other end of the spectrum. There you go pissed off being stuck in a traffic jam, then to your right you see this blithering idiot in a BMW, leaving this gap between his stupid German metal on wheels with the car in front. MOVE UP dumbass! Things you can fit in that stupid gap include:

(In ascending order in size)
1) 30 catholic priests
2) 10 tonnes of cheese
3) 1 baby whale
4) 2 weeks of government bullshit
5) Oprah Winfrey (barely)

It's a fucking jammed up road, people are trying to get to where they want to go quick, and you're definitely not helping. Watching you is like watching a blind man being molested by a Swedish homosexual with a shiny chin, butt naked.

Oh you'll see why.

Good job cockface. You bought a stupid German car, not the whole fucking road.

Just because you afford a big ass German car doesn't mean you have to act like some meddling redneck gangster on the road. Yes it is a BMW, big fucking deal. Fuck BMW's. Let's see how gangster you are when your face has permanently chemically bonded with the tree, and not die. I hope the ants eat your eyeballs.

If you want to be a sensible, normal and civilised person, buy something else. Anything. Except Korean cars. If you are such an utter hooligan that's addicted to bad ass driving, buy yourself a Volvo. Volvo's are made to destroy. It is possibly Sweden's secret military solution. My friend once had a Volvo, he was sleeping until he felt a nudge. The driver and his family got out of the car, turns out they rammed a bull dead. With this kind of monster on the road, we obviously need to put up more signs.

Her as in the cow, not the driver. Feminist groups, go away.

The car suffered a dent size of a Korean ball (if Korean balls exists). The bull, playing chess with Mr. Jesus. GOOD NEWS! Are you a butcher? Do you work in a boring slaughterhouse? Tired of making a living out of electrocuting cows? Bored of watching exsanguinating cows upside down? Don't worry! Now there's a solution to your meaningless empty life!

Volvo XC "Crossed-Cow" 90

Just ram a nearest cow with a Volvo and push it to a nearest station to process it's meat. So much more ethical than paralysing it with electricity and slicing its arteries, leaving it bleed to death. Now meat production has never been so much fun. The process is fun, and Sweden enjoys an additional growth in GDP, win-win situation. And the rest of you can still suck on your stupid beef.

Fuck Beef.

Personally, I don't fancy Volvo's. But the country that made Ikea cannot suck that bad. So try a Volvo. If it breaks down really quickly, take it as the price of being a gangster on the road. Oh, and HAHA!

I end my post with a song from Sweden. Enjoy.

Junster's Tip of the Day: Drive safe, sell your BMW.

Love the holidays,
The Junster

Tribute

2008-11-12T22:38:00.003+08:00

The Hammer :

The Hammer is extremely pleased with the recent victory of Barack Obama in the US Presidential Election. For all you who have no idea what The Hammer is talking about, fuck off and go back to the cave you live in, you fucking Neanderthal.

For all you doubters out there, we at CocaineCorn actually do give a shit about matters apart from ourselves, though sparingly and within a certain quota.

Items that are equally/more important to The Hammer
1. Pork
2. Mary Jane
3. The writer of "Live Forever"
4. The singer of "Good Vibrations".

Still No.1

If you think that by reading this, you have deduced the identity of The Hammer, then you're wrong. Even if you're right, you're not.

So lick my pink, fat dick.

But I digress,

Barack Obama's victory has signaled an end to 8 years of mismanagement, destruction, and sheer stupidity.

In short, Barack Obama is not American.

Grew up in the streets of Asia. No wonder he has a brain

A man of African parentage, a Middle Eastern name and an Asian upbringing, America has finally found a truly global president that appeals to more than just the shotgun-toting rednecks of the Bible Belt.

The Hammer hopes that Mr.Obama will have watched " An Inconvenient Truth", as opposed to the ignorant outgoing American government, which actually regarded global warming as a hoax.

A hoax.

Can you believe that ?

Al Gore lie for fucks ah, not like he get money also. ( The Malaysian in me)

The world is bidding goodbye to a nightmare 8 years in which the Bush administration contrived to screw up everything that is good in this planet.

From destroying the American economy, and vicariously the world's economy, to igniting wars in the Middle East, George Bush has done an excellent job in fucking up.

However, The Hammer heard a rumour that President Bush experimented with marijuana as a young man, but DID NOT INHALE.

WOW.

Well, shithead, Barack Obama DID inhale, and look where he is now.

You HAVE to inhale

Suck his African-American dick George, 'cause it's probably bigger than yours!

The Hammer,
Signing off

P.S. : The Hammer senses subsidies for the rap industry and more showtime for Oprah

Finally! An Update!

2008-08-03T00:56:00.009+08:00

Been missing me? Yes I know.

FINALLY AN UPDATE!

Just kidding suckers, wipe of your orgasms you just had 3 seconds ago.

Patience losers... patience.

Junster's Tip of the Day: In an event of stumbling upon updates on Cocaine Corn, the usage of a condom can avoid potential mess.

:)

Poll on the right.

Sleeping pills are bad for health,
The Junster

World of Warcraft

2008-07-21T23:39:00.004+08:00

The Hammer:

The Hammer hates World of Warcraft (WoW).

Alongside Ragnarok Online, Maple Story and a host of other ridiculously stupid online games, The Hammer hates WoW with a vengeance.

Satan

For all you fellow WoW "noobs", as WoW players call us, WoW is a MMORPG. The Hammer knows the meaning but can't be bothered to type it down. Go wiki it on your own time.

But i digress.

According to official figures, there are an estimated 16 million subscribers to World of Warcraft. (16 million people account for 0.266% of the global population.)
In Malaysia, it costs these sorry sad sods a "paltry" RM115 for 2 months.

That's highway robbery.

The Hammer could probably purchase marijuana for 2 months with that kinda layout.

The Last Supper. Marley style

The gist of World of Warcraft (as The Hammer can presume from light reading), is to level up your character by fighting beasts in a game environment or other players who are losers such as the player himself. ( The Hammer uses "him" because girls don't play WoW)

The problems with World of Warcraft are huge, as pointed out in the South Park episode, "Make love, not Warcraft".

Players of WoW are USUALLY fat slobs who spend their days playing WoW, eating meals, dreaming about playing WoW, and dreaming about WoW.

WoW anybody ?

These people are detrimental to their friends as WoW > commitments to friends sometimes, which usually gets on the nerves of some lesser-WoW-inclined people.

WoW addicts spend their days cooped up in front of their computer fighting mythical beasts in order to "level up" and are willing to sacrifice shots at a LIFE by achieving this.

Game addiction has actually become a serious issue.

A child in South Korea died of NEGLECT due to the fact that his WoW-addicted parents couldn't care less about a living person, but instead chose to level up an 'avatar'.

Ridiculous. (Koreans, pfft)

Would you trust them with YOUR kids?

However, WoW does have its plus sides.

I'm sure Blizzard Entertainment helped improve the unemployment rate. =)

Vigorously masturbating to REAL women,
The Hammer

We kick ass, You don't.

2008-07-14T23:49:00.004+08:00

Cocaine Corn is Good aims to serve quality and random blog content for the open minded. We aim to put a smile on your face after taking shit from your boss that weighs like 2 cows, ass fucked by your teacher who is probably old enough to lactate sour milk, going through a day without Pork or your "best friend" who's getting his boner passionately up your girl. For the past 30 days, the Cocaine Corn Team had provided kick ass ad-free content to all readers of Cocaine Corn. Today Cocaine Corn turns one month old. You cocks are probably wondering by now, what the fuck are these morons doing with this post. Simple.

ALL THE PEOPLE, SO MANY PEOPLE.
THANK YOU!

Lazer spends so much on games he don't afford to cut his hair. :)

Also, you're probably wondering why we even bother to thank anybody since we think, or rather, we know we kick ass. But in this case, we only have YOU to thank (even you anon, but we don't like you) for making Cocaine Corn a success.

You see fellow readers, unlike the blog you probably own, we here at Cocaine Corn value and appreciate our readers, for if it weren't for your support, we'd be conceited and read our own blog ourselves, and desperately try to fake site statistics by using proxy servers as a form of nerdy masturbation. In english, we're virgins.

Virgin

Throughout our first month, we have achieved our pre-targeted goals with ease, thanks to you. Here are some statistics we are able to draw up based on the last month.

1) Cocaine Corn hits its 1000th unique visitor on its 24th day of operation. Kick ass.

2) Cocaine Corn has 1270 unique visitors on its first month. Kick ass.

3) We have got 1 hater out of the others on Cocaine Corn. Kick ass.

4) Some Cocaine Corn readers bother to sodomise haters with eggplants. Kick ass.

5) 100% of Cocaine Corn readers think Cocaine Corn is the best blog in the world. Kick ass.

6) 100% of Cocaine Corn readers are almost cool. Kick ass.

7) 58% of Cocaine Corn readers hate ads. Kick ass.

8) 58% of Cocaine Corn readers don't blog. Kick ass.

9) 11% of Cocaine Corn readers are not annoyed by fucking ads.

10)11% of Cocaine Corn readers are bloggers.

11)29% of Cocaine Corn readers wants to suck The Junster's cock. Kick ass.

12)29% of Cocaine Corn readers are gay. Not so kick ass.

13)Jesus and Buddha reads Cocaine Corn.

See?

At Cocaine Corn is that we don't serve ads. It has been taken into consideration, however we weren't able to decide. If we serve ads, we gain more readers and not to mention cash. But we know ads might annoy some readers. Hence a poll was carried out and the answer is clear. If Cocaine Corn wants no ads, then we shall serve no ads. This is why Cocaine Corn kicks your gliteratti balls. By the way, the 29% of fags may not suck The Junster's cock.

Initially, the Cocaine Corn Team expected no more than 500 visitors. And the results for the first month were very satisfying, considering we don't serve ads nor join big blog community sites. Your support meant a lot to us. Honest. No Really. Hence the Cocaine Corn Team is dedicated to serve you more quality contents that keep you coming back for more. Here we would like to encourage comments and interaction to make Cocaine Corn kick ass even harder. Also, if you like Cocaine Corn, link us up and tell your loser friends to be winners at Cocaine Corn.

Remember, to be a winner, all you need to do is compete with losers. Why do you think we took up blogging ?

Loser

We at Cocaine Corn encourage your opinions, whether negative or positive, not because we like constructive criticism or any of that sanctimonious bullshit, but because life wouldn't be fun without a few airheads here or there who disapprove of our rather tactless approach towards life.

So please, hate mail/fan mail is MORE than welcome. Don't be a coward and leave your name though, or we wouldn't know where to send the anthrax. =)

Today's Random Shit and Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life are Cocaine Corn's original side projects. Do read up our old posts, some might give you a good time, some might make us some enemies. Oh what the heck. We hope you've enjoyed us in the past month. Have a nice day!

:)

Thank you very much,
The Cocaine Corn Team.

Mitsubishi Proton or Proton Mitsubishi?

2008-07-13T00:07:00.006+08:00

Before I start, I would like to dedicate a perfect picture to Mr. anon who recently commented.

They say a picture says a thousand words, this one just says fuck you.

Suck my hairy balls.

No hard feelings, we love your comments actually. It made us laugh. Honestly. Keep up the good work cock. =)

Moving on.

I'm sure everyone has noticed throughout these years, some Malaysians have the cock desire of doing stuff to their cars. While I don't see the point of it, I must admit, some of them are pretty well done. After all, the passion for cars is very common around the world. Here I have a plain ol' minimal pictures post.

However, have you ever noticed that proton in front of your car? Wait, it says Mitsubishi on it. I could have sworn I saw a proton. Oh thats right, my bad, I guess I didn't see the size of the head of that idiotic dipshit behind that black tinted window in his badly remodified proton that makes a lot of noise and polutes the environment. Not forgetting the part where he puts a mitsubishi logo and a shiny mitsubishi tag in the rear of his "mean machine" hoping deeply in his heart that he would fool everyone on the streets, thinking he owns a mitsubishi.

Eat elephant shit!

Personally, I find it hilarious. I mean, who are you trying to fool? Okay okay I admit, I'm not a car wiz or anything. So no need for comments asking what do I know about cars. Frankly, I don't, not that I don't care, I just dont. But heck, even Ray Charles can tell its a proton if he was Malaysian.

Even he's not that blind.

I shall refer the common herd that practices such stupidity as Species M. *Wink*

Dear all species M,

There's no need to hide the proton-ness on your proton. We're proud of it as Malaysians. Look, we get the point, proton uses mitsubishi's engine bla bla bla. No matter how you put it, how you modify it, how you desperately insist its a mitsubishi, its still a proton.

Its like many things in life, here's a list. No matter:

1)how many watermelons u can fit in ur pussy, you are not Paris Hilton

2)how big of an asshole you say you are, you are still not Kim Il-sung

3)how gay you try to be, you are not Rain

4)how manly you think you are, you are not Chuck Norris

5)how many people call you captain annoying, you are not Alvin and the fucking Chipmunks.

Really, you may have your G-spot as deep as between your lungs, you are still no bigger whore than Lindsay Lohan. So no matter how much you try to portray an image of a mitsubishi on your proton, its still a damn proton. An ugly one thanks to your ugly looking new logo that looks like it's been welded on by apes.

Don't waste your money on mods that make your car look furthermore ridiculous, a proton is fine. Sure people won't notice you, so? Because you don't want to get the wrong attention. You must realise how big of a cock you look like in that mitsubishi proton. It's like Sean Kingston with 4 wheels. If we were to borrow Topgear's Cock-O-Meter, you will score a perfect 100 while you drive past. On a scale of 10 that is. And sodomised the machine.

Wonder what Jeremy Clarkson has to say about Proton Mitsubishis.

Not to mention it's unnessecarily loud for the speed it can achieve. Damn noisy, noisier than 2 japanese whores. If you have a Ferrari 430 Scuderia, by all means you are welcome to shake our streets, make our ears bleed, or crash and kill yourself and a couple of hippies beside the road. But you make a hell of a noise, grabbing our attention, make babies cry, just to look at your cock? If there's a punishment, you should get your big cock tied and pulled by 300 spartans till it snaps. Then kicked in the balls in an alternating manner.

The Equation of Justice

Junster's Tip of the Day: If you want a car that looks like a Mitsubishi, sounds like a Mitsubishi, performs like a Mitsubishi and includes a stock Mitsubishi logo, buy a fucking Mitsubishi.

Go away,
The Junster

Bloody Insects

2008-07-10T20:00:00.001+08:00

The Hammer:

Insects suck. Period.

Insects have been around forever, and they still suck.

Insects have a special way of getting on your nerves, especially during situations which demand the utmost concentration.

For instance,

The Hammer loves to spend time on his throne. He absolutely loves the quality time spent in his bathroom, as they are filled with awesome memories.

Tits

HOWEVER, the time spent on his throne is usually interrupted by a buzzing mosquito in his ear. Though the satisfaction of crushing one of those little bastards with his gigantic(by comparison) fist may be more than satisfactory, the sheer effort spent on catching the little bastard could have been spent on excreting that final piece of shit that wouldn't come out.

The Caligula of irritants

Fucking mosquitoes. The fact that they spread deadly diseases such as malaria and dengue proves their lack of worth even more.

But enough about how they interrupt The Hammer's happy time, because insects suck in way more ways than that.

Cockroaches were put on this Earth by whoever it is who created Earth (scientists say the Big Bang, Christian's say God and Mormons are just stupid) to annoy and frighten the hell out of the human race.

Disgusting

According to modern biology, cockroaches are probably the toughest things alive today. Modern science tells us that cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust due to their super tough shell. That's pretty tough stuff.

They can survive THIS

AS SUCH,
The Hammer decided to put this to the test by applying pressure on one of those shells with my shoe. I expected to be rebounded to the moon due to the recoil force of even daring to apply pressure on such a powerful piece of kick-ass material.

I was disappointed. It stained my shoe.

I had to wash them

Nuclear holocaust my ass.

Spiders are not cool either.

Marvel comics may have glorified spiders, but spiders are simply NOT cool.

LIES

Spider bites hurt. And radioactive spider bites do not give you magic powers, they just give you an advanced form of cancer, plus a pain in the sensitive regions.

The worse bits are when spiders (poisonous or not) end up inside your shorts. Spiders have a penchant for creeping up a man/woman's shorts and planting a nice supple bite in the groin regions. They probably do this just for kicks cos we're so much bigger than them and we could probably blow them away with a fart.

And spider's have really wicked names. I mean,
1. Black Widow
2. Tarantula
3. Peter Parker

Don't they just reek of cruelty and malignant intentions ?

Random fact : The Hammer despises Tobey-fucking-Maguire

God, i hate him

But enough about that sorry excuse of an actor we know as Tobey-fucking-Maguire, lets move on the the next insect on The Hammer's hate list.

Flies.

God, i hate flies.

Alexander the Great of irritants

Haven't you ever came back from a long day at work, took a long dozy nap, indulged in a overflowing bubble bath and sat down for dinner, thinking that it all pays off for a horrid day at work ?

Well, it probably does.

Moving on, you're probably about to sink your teeth into that fine, succulent tender piece of meat when SUDDENLY a disgusting fly, which has probably been on piles of cowshit, rubbish and compost, perks its hundred-eye ass on your rib. What a way to ruin your rib.

Your initial reaction is horror. Then shock. Then disappointment at God for creating such a good-for-nothing creature that just desecrated your awesome dinner.

You put the rib down, dejected. Then a feeling of revenge surges through you, and you find a fly swat and hunt the bastard.

They don't taste so good no more

Now, whether or not you actually kill the fucker is contentious, but the point has been driven home.

Flies irritate people like no other insect can simply because they suck. They have hundreds of eyes which probably show them hundreds of situations to annoy us, and they do it to perfection. They have an annoying buzz when they fly, coupled with the multitudes of diseases they could be carrying. These reasons alone qualify flies as probably the most irritating insects of all time.

So people, all the people. Insects suck.

The Hammer has come to the conclusion that insects ought to be categorically exterminated without remorse, and everyone who thinks otherwise is a paedophile-praising sonfobitch.

The Hammer,
Over and out

Black Music.

2008-07-08T20:25:00.008+08:00

You know what's stupid? Black music.

Stupidity at its best.

It hasn't always been this way though, there was once when black music was good. And I genuinely do believe there are still out there. Its just you rotten dung-ears never do yourselves a favour and stop stuffing your eardrums with computer generated ballocks of crap. Which with so many of them these days, you need ears sized of satellite dishes to fit them all in.

Fuck! You actually can!

Loosely defined, I consider black music as music black people play. To be fair, in this case I'm not being racist. So here's the thing, if there are good black music out there, why don't we know about it? Well ignorant dipshits, that's because you have hopped into the bandwagon of stupidity that is mainstream. I'm pretty sure there are people out there who do not appreciate these bullshit.

Okay how did you end up in this pile of rotten elephant cum? Thank the radio and MTV. MTV has been throwing so much shit to the mass audience that mindless dipshits (yes, if you listen to Flo Rida you are one) accepts them without developing personal taste. Here's how it goes.

1)Black music was once good
2)Black people weren't rich and they play good music.
3)MTV was created.
4)Black people get rich.
5)Black people buys *Bling* and gets cocky.
6)Black people now raps about whores and money.
7)MTV says its cool.
8)Dipshits says: Hey! MTV says its cool, lets love it although it sounds like some blithering idiot trying to sing with a mouthful of horse semen.
9)Girls accept the fact that they are whores and dances to it.
10)Stupider friends jumps into bandwagon because stupid friends like it.
11)Blonde/ blonde-like teenagers claim the song is meaningful.
12)Black man gets richer.

Wake up pussies! And these people call REAL rock music sound pollution. Fuck! These black music are the real sound pollution worthy of being taken care of, even by Al Gore's standards.

Al Gore and his shiny presentation.

MTV is getting congested with more and more crap. No longer revolve around real music, MTV focus on stupid reality TV shows with spoiled and stupid blondes with raging hormones dating guys who prolly went for rehab. Twice. At least. MTV now attracts viewers with bullshit, sexy celebrities and stupid advertisements.

How about this for an ad stupid?

Amazingly some people are buying this shit. Its stupid, when I ask people why do they like a particular singer. "OMG! Cozzz he's soooooo freeakin hot... wtf!" is what I usually get. And when I give my points to shut them up, mostly because they don't understand a thing about the music I'm talking about, they go: "Are you just jealous? Cos he's hot and you're not, and he's the one being famous now... talk to the hand... like, whatever~"

Oh I'm sorry, I thought this was Music Television not My-body-is-so-effing-hawt-and-sexy-that-you-must-listen-to-my-bullshit-and-make-me-rich Television. News flash mother fuckers! Music, read.... M-U-S-I-C television. If I hadn't forgotten, my kindergarten teacher told me music was to be heard, not to be seen. Ball licking half-wits. Come on now, looks substituting music? Pfft. Here's something to expect in another couple of more years.

MTV is now Masturbation Television.

Lyrics matter, unless you play like Eric Johnson. Many girls adores songs that, in short, says: "I found a whore in a club, she was hot, I brought her home, fucked and payed her, she was good." I'm sure a song called Low by Flo Rida is quite well known to many. While we're here, the first time I stumbled upon Low, I swear I thought his name was Florida, idiotically intentionally spelt wrongly. Turns out it was Flo R(eye)da, which immediately came to me as Floor Rider.

Making this was not fun.

Whoa! Good going dipshit! You can ride a floor! I'm sure your life is complete now! Hey hey guess what I can do, technically I'm also a Flo Sweepa, Flo Moppa, Flo Sitta, Flo Standa, Flo Stompa....... DAWG! cool huh? Utterly stupid. I haven't seen any stupider things since Chua Soi Lek riding a friend.

Like I was saying, lyrics matter, here's the lyrics for Low, no I did not write this myself, even God can't do it. Got it from a lyric site.

[Chorus:]
Shawty had them Apple Bottom Jeans [Jeans]
Boots with the fur [With the fur]
The whole club was lookin at her
She hit the flo [She hit the flo]
Next thing you know
Shawty got low low low low low low low low

Them baggy sweat pants
And the Reeboks with the straps [With the straps]
She turned around and gave that big booty a smack [Ayy]
She hit the flo [She hit the flo]
Next thing you know
Shawty got low low low low low low low low

[Verse 1:]
I ain't never seen nuthin that'll make me go,
This crazy all night spendin my dough
Had a million dollar vibe and a bottle to go
Dem birthday cakes, they stole the show
So sexual, she was flexible
Professional, drinkin X and ooo
Hold up wait a minute, do I see what I think I
Whoa
Did I think I seen shorty get low
Ain't the same when it's up that close
Make it rain, I'm makin it snow
Work the pole, I got the bank roll
Imma say that I prefer them no clothes
I'm into that, I love women exposed
She threw it back at me, I gave her more
Cash ain't a problem, I know where it goes

She had them

[Verse 2:]
Hey
Shawty what I gotta do to get you home
My jeans full of gwap
And they ready for Shones
Cadillacs Maybachs for the sexy grown
Patrone on the rocks that'll make you moan

One stack (come on)
Two stacks (come on)
Three stacks (come on, now that's three grand)
What you think I'm playin baby girl
I'm the man, I'll bend the rubber bands

That's what I told her, her legs on my shoulder
I knew it was ova, that Henny and Cola
Got me like a Soldier
She ready for Rover, I couldn't control her
So lucky oo me, I was just like a clover
Shorty was hot like a toaster
Sorry but I had to fold her,
Like a pornography poster
She showed her

[Verse 3:]
Whoa
Shawty
Yea she was worth the money
Lil mama took my cash,
And I ain't want it back,
The way she bit that rag,
Got her them paper stacks,
Tattoo Above her crack,
I had to handle that,

I was on it, sexy woman, let me shownin
They be want it two in the mornin
I'm zonin in them rosay bottles foamin
She wouldn't stop, made it drop
Shorty did that pop and lock,
Had to break her off that gwap
Gah it was fly just like my glock

Sorry for wasting 60 seconds of your life. Trust me I do not fucking understand this. Forgive me if I'm ignorant, but what the fuck is got low? But here's a rough translation from badly written shite lyrics to reality.

Rich cocky black man sees bitch with Apple Bottom Jeans jeans and boots with the fur, with the fur. Them (don't know who) wearing baggy sweaty pants with the Reeboks with the straps, with the straps. The bitch spanked her ass and she got low?

He did not never seen nothing that will make him go. (WTF?!) Looks at bitch as a hooker, brags about his money and rubbish cars on chrome, he's got raging libido, took whore home, payed her $3000, fucked her, most likely performed cunnilingus, says whore was worth the money, she took her money and he is satisfied, has tattoo above her ass, and I seriously have no clue on the last part of the verse.

What now bitch? Don't feel so classy now do you? If that doesn't ring a bell, he treats women with no respect and sings about them being cheap. Dance to that.

Don't.

For these few years, we see black men producing non-passionate nor talented rubbish for the world. Oh I'm sorry I guess I was being unfair, now black women, also known as "shawty" by their kind, too join in the fun for some hoodie wearin, bling showering, chromed Cadillac driving, spinner spinning, booty shakin action. Even "rockers" like OneRepublik take shit from Timbaland and punk ass Travis Barker drumming to gangsta rap and hip-hop crap. Big fucking deal dickheads! REAL rock community don't need these assclowns. I was having my lunch the other day in this restaurant and MTV was on. Out of the 4 songs that i saw, 4 of them were black. Great, now niggers rule, while whites merely became wiggers.

Lets not forget the fact here that they are indeed brilliant black music around. Jazz and blues, lets face it, black people kick ass. Here is a short list of comparison between cool blacks and blacks.

Good ones we've got:

1)Jimi Hendrix, greatest guitarist of all time. Songs like Little Wing, Voodoo Chile and Red House.

2)Miles Davis, awesome blues and jazz saxophone player, Autumn Leaves is awesome.

3)Micheal Jackson, one of the most iconic blacks ever, I don't fucking care even if he molested a gay penguin, MJ is cool. Thriller, Billie Jean and so much more awesome stuff.

4)Marcus Miller, awesome bass player, passionate and lots of feel from his songs. Silver Rain is one. Even a BASSIST is better than whats to come.

and much more. But now, TV and radios only let you know about:

1)T-Pain, rubbish

2)Flo Rida, rubbish

3)Ne-Yo, rubbish

4)Sean Kingston, rubbish

5)Timbaland, rubbish

6)Rihanna, rubbish

7)Eve, rubbish

One day real music will revive. Then you'll all see.

Junster's Tip of the Day: MTV is bad for health.

I just farted,
The Junster

We have to stop looking at the bright side of life

2008-07-07T23:59:00.004+08:00

Scenario: You're an international superstar!

Despite scoring very badly in your school exams, and failing to pick up any special skills,
you star in blockbuster movies as main characters,
you released album after album of your horrible singing (polished to perfection thanks to digital technology) of songs written by other people,
you won Grammy awards, MTV awards and the like,
all the young boys want you,
you appear in celebrity parties,
and you're super rich!

but think of it this way, you only achieved all that because you were born pretty!

Always look on the bright side of life!

2008-07-07T23:34:00.002+08:00

Scenario: OMG! Fuck shit i broke a nail!

Hey, look at it this way, you've got 9 more!

:)

I don't actually care about nails,
The Junster

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

2008-07-07T23:21:00.003+08:00

Scenario : You were walking down the street and you found a $50 note, a rolled up joint and 3 bottles of Sprite sitting by the sidewalk for free. You spend the money on hookers, smoke the joint and drink the Sprite to quench your post-joint thirst. Suddenly a police car swings by and you get busted for possession, solicitation and drinking a policeman's Sprite and go to jail for 3 years.

Hey, look on the bright side, at least you don't have to cook for a long time =)

Is caned,
The Hammer

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

2008-07-05T12:39:00.003+08:00

Scenario: You were driving home from an awesome first date with your new girl. All of a sudden, a car swerved and you had a horrible crash. Your left leg was so severely hurt, that the Emergency Room doctor decided to amputate it. You are now a cripple.

Hey, look at it this way, at least you lost a few Kgs.

:)

Lazer, charging up.

Always look on the bright side of life!

2008-07-05T11:08:00.002+08:00

Scenario: You got naughty and had unprotected sex with your boyfriend. He came in you, you are now pregnant.

Hey, look at it this way, at least you don't need to buy pads for the next 9 months.

:)

Stomach ache,
The Junster

Pork.

2008-07-03T22:29:00.015+08:00

This post is a response to "a friendly challenge".

If there's any assumption of the members of Cocaine Corn doesn't like anything at all. Those who've made such assumptions, are dickheads.

Dickhead.

We don't hate the world. We don't listen to emo.

WHY!? WHY AM I SUCH A PUSSY!? SOB!

I love Pork. So does The Hammer, The Lazer and everyone else with a brain.

Nothing spells holy more than Pork. Pork is a gift from the Gods, a gift to mankind that cures everything. Pork has the holy, powerful ability to make one happy and smart. The sheer amazing texture of the meat, coupled with unlimited possibilities achieved with different culinary expertise, Pork is without a doubt the one way ticket to heaven... and back.

Pork is the greatest meat of all. No meat can challenge the brilliance that is Pork, created by the Gods finest and holiest thoughts in their minds. They stuffed all the goodness into an animal which we know as the pig. Pork is a necessity, especially to Chinese people. Every self worthy Chinese MUST EMBRACE pork. It's not just a dish, it's a PASSION, its like sex for the mouth.

Fellatio?

If you disagree, suck my Pork filled balls.

Bullshit! Pork is just like every other meat you say? Then you need to go to your respectful gods and seek forgiveness for you have sinned, and spend your time after death having threesome sex with Satan and Saddam Hussein. If you believe in no god, then call yourself a vegetarian and/or a pussy for not appreciating the best meat in the world. No one's life is complete without Pork. So if you have the chance(s), EMBRACE and appreciate your Pork, for there are people out there, dreaming to even just smell the aroma from the holy meat.

Wonder what's inside...

People who cannot indulge in the genius that is Pork are often very cranky wombles. And you know how cranky bitches deal with their problems.

Take the biggest criminal the world has ever known. Adolf Hitler. He single handedly killed more circumcised people with beards than any other badass in the history.

There could only be two reasons:

1) His shaver is broken
2) He hadn't enjoyed decent Pork.

Let face it, Germans can make good cars, not good food. Germans Pork is generally different, okay maybe not all bad, some german Pork are fucking awesome, for Pork is fucking awesome. Some however, not so appealing, like meat dildos.

Oversized meat dildos - Product of Deutschland.

As a result of such catastrophe that is no decent Pork, Adolf Hitler has became a very cranky man and gassed a sea of Jewish hairy faces with big noses. The fact that the Jews don't eat pork either didn't help.

Another fine example is the Allah loving Osama bin Laden. Deprived of the goodness of the holy meat, bin Laden had nothing to lose.

allah huakhbar!

Al Qaeda couldn't spend on Pork, so they buy weapons. =(

I adore Pork. My Chinese blood drives my passion for the best meat in the world. Bullshit health fanatics blutter a blackman bukakke cumload of rubbish insisting that having too much meat is bad for health. I say, fuck you. Look, we're all going to die anyways, why not enjoy before we bite the dust? You have the risk of kicking the bucket anytime. Maybe get ass raped by an Indonesian gay and get killed by AIDS, or board a plane with north korean terrorist, sacrificed to a spaghetti god by a cult, zombie apocalypse or whatsoever. So eat Pork. Don't substitute Pork with beef.

This is my friend Chain before he eats beef, then after he ate beef.

Medium well anyone?

Then, this is me before the holy meat and after the holy meat.

Pork makes me happy.

Yes, Pork is indeed the happy meat. Anyone who feels Pork flowing in their veins will always have a holy scene in mind.

Buddhist sees buddha's smile.

Christ lovers see jesus himself.

The last very delicious pork buffet supper.

Muslims sees...

Right... my bad.

So many styles, so many taste, so much happiness. Pork can be served in so many ways, from the east to the west. For western pork, look up Euro Deli, 3 or 4 branches in Malaysia. Euro deli products can also be found in your nearest non-halal and/or holy store.

Better still, Chinese people have mastered the art of pork culinary.

From small delights,

Siew Long Bao

Char Siew Bao.

and all sorts of Dim Sum.

to noodles

Pork noodles

lard and Pork strips in hokkien noodles

to powerful soup

猪肚汤

Bak Kut Teh

to brilliantly satisfying big bites.

Siew Yok & Char Siew

suckling Pig

It is one's destiny to savour them all, and gain true enlightenment. Upon completion of the quest, we rise to the heavens and have bottomless supplies of Siew Yok with god.

Other meats are inferior to Pork. Substitution attempts are stupid. Chick kut teh is a sin. False meat is a sin. Should you try to replace the holy meat, Satan will devour your nipples in bed... in hell... with Saddam.... and a German meat dildo....

Pork kicks ass. Period.

Junster's Tip of the Day: PPPPOOOORRRRKKKKK!!!!!

Pork enthusiast,
The Junster

U.S.A

2008-06-30T22:30:00.000+08:00

The Hammer:

I Hate Baseball.

That should be sung along the bleachers of Fenway Park, and not "Take me out to the ball game!".

Fenway Park. The Tartarus Plains of sport

Baseball, according to Wikipedia (a creation of God to topple Google because Google was getting more powerful than God, and God absolutely hates it when a creation of Man is trying to destabalise Him. See www.thechurchofgoogle.org for more information.) is a bat and ball sport played between two teams of nine players each.

The new Messiah ?

The goal of baseball is to score runs by hitting a thrown ball with a bat and touching a series of four markers called bases arranged at the corners of a ninety-foot square, or diamond. Players on one team (the batting team) take turns hitting while the other team (the fielding team) tries to stop them from scoring runs by getting hitters out in any of several ways. A player on the batting team can stop at any of the bases and hope to score on a teammate's hit. The teams switch between batting and fielding whenever the fielding team gets three outs. One turn at bat for each team constitutes an inning; nine innings make up a professional game. The team with the most runs at the end of the game wins.

If you're good at hitting and running!

So basically, you hit a ball swung at you and run, and there's innings.
Sure sounds alot like cricket, wouldn't you say? Minus the tactics involved of course. But never forget to add in the ridiculous amount of hot dogs and beer consumed at one of the games of this foolhardy "sport"

Now THIS is a bat-and-ball sport

As I have pointed out in my post entitled "NFL", Americans are not creative at all. America has merely spent their centuries of existence imitating the truly great nations or blatantly stealing from their crop of outstanding citizens.

The greatest American scientist ever was a Jewish German named Albert Einstein. Of course, the Americans offered him sanctuary during World War 2 so he could build the atomic bomb and the rest as they say, is history.

This was probably AFTER he defected

Americans have also created a truly innovative invention known as "imitation cheese". It is made from a combination of casien and vegetable oil and contains no dairy products, but thats the limit of The Hammer's scientific knowledge. This form of cheese, as its name suggests, imitates the characteristics of cheese but is not the real thing. Sound familiar ? (NFL or baseball anyone?)

Imitation cheese. Made in the USA

But that is not all,

Americans have always wanted to stand out, to be original.

To do that, they're even willing to mess with the English language. It's scandalous, it really is.

From maximise to maximize and recognise to recognize, Americans have regularly assaulted the English language with a frightening lack or morals that would make Machiavelli shudder.

*Shudders*

The fact that they pronounce semi as "sem-eye", or Iraq as "Eye-raq" is also mindblowingly ridiculous. I've heard of being a non-comformist, but this pretty much tests the boundaries of that principle.

The fact that Microsoft Word underlines my spelling in red when i spell recognise without a 'z' also gets under my skin like those filthy scarab beetles from The Mummy

Heck, even Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone is named differently on the wrong side of the Atlantic.

I'm surprised they didn't change the authors name

To Americans worldwide : It's alright to speak correct English!

Another leech that chews on the metaphorical skin of The Hammer is the way American sports are fashioned.

In true American tradition, the only way to succeed in American sports is to be 6 feet 6 inches, run 100 metres in 10 seconds, and be black.

Success!

Oh yeah, it helps if BALCO supplies you with anabolic steroids. Live with your smaller-than-usual testicles, Barry Bonds.

I would look like that too if i had nuts the size of quail eggs

Another issue that riles with The Hammer is the fact that America feels that it can boss the world around without repercussion. So what if some North Korean scientists are detonating nuclear warheads underground 2000 miles away ?

So what if Iran is building nuclear power plants for their long suffering citizens?

America also suffers from the misconception that they reign supreme.

Due to brands such as McDonalds, Nike and Coca-Cola, the world has been forced fed American commercialism since the end of World War 2.

America's contribution to the world!

It is despicable.

Americans are so culturally bankrupt because they do not feel the need to study or respect other cultures or traditions, and American arrogance has reigned supreme in the world of the 21st century.

This coming from a nation which markets burgers and hot dogs as its national dish?

Sure looks healthy

What about the Italians, who invented pizza and spaghetti?
What of the British, who invented roast beef and Yorkshire pudding?
What of those pussy Japanese, who invented sushi, sashimi and California rolls ?

And finally, what of the Chinese , who have a culinary history longer and filled with more tales than America's civil war annals ?

That's the shit!

The 21st century has been a bankrupt time in human history. It is time to rewrite the history books.

победители названия достойные!!

2008-06-30T05:15:00.008+08:00

Лазер, поручая вверх!!

Евро 2008 выпускных экзаменов!! Решающее сражение ободрения между свирепыми быками красного Испания и изуверскими варварами белого Германия!! Это было утесистой дорогой к выпускным экзаменам для обеих команд, по мере того как спички semi-finals были обоими очень, очень опасные положения!!

Не много быть сказанным о спичке здесь, по мере того как I, лазер, am очень утомленный и сон потребности!! Настолько здесь быстрая сводка!!

Испанский капитан:
Очень живо, очень диез, всегда на бдительности!!
Этот сынок - - a - сука была героем Spain' спичка s против Италия!!

Немецкий капитан:
Очень уродско, очень страшно, всегда смотрящ рассержен!!
Этот сынок - - a - сука уже потеряла 9 названий!!

Герой спички:
Очень быстро, очень мотивированно, всегда бросаться препровождает для того чтобы попробовать вести счет!!
Этот сынок - - a - сука вела счет единственная цель в спичке!!

Новичок спички:
Очень довольно, очень белые зубы, всегда держа ее тупоумный билет!!
Эта думаемая сука что билет мог быть сделан из золота!!

...

Однако что делают женщины знают о футболе!!

Необязательно для того чтобы сказать, Испания выиграло спичку!! Конечно было торжество!!

Посмотрите как счастливо и гомосексуалисты испанцы!!
Команда которой поражения родина (хотя везением, уверенно) уверенно победитель конкуренции!!

-Я огорченн для моего превосходного родного языка!! Я использую он-лайн переводчик!!-

NASCAR.

2008-06-24T01:47:00.010+08:00

Racing is cool. There's just no arguement on the sheer excitement you get as you watch one man trying to get another mother fucker to inhale deadly emission from his vehicle. NASCAR however is not the case. And no amounts of car crashes and dying rednecks will be able to change that.

NASCAR sucks sea otter blubbery balls. First of all, you don't want a long name for a motorsport. It's just lame, like a nerd race. I see it now: National Computer BIOS-Operating System-Hardware Configuration Repairs While Not Spontaneously Ejaculate Over Naked Girl Face Off. Decent race event, for an american that is.

Cool motorsports events always have short names. Formula One, or even better F1, MotoGP, World Rally Championship, or in short WRC.

National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing. Pfft. I bet they need extra large billboards just like how every americans need extra large sizes of everything.

What will they do without a short form.

NASCAR is the stupidest, most pointless form of racing ever introduced. In fact, its one of the most stupid and pointless things amerifags has to offer to the world, along with MTV, imitation cheese, Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader, stupidity, NFL and more. NASCAR is the second-most popular professional sport in terms of television ratings inside the U.S. Just behind NFL. If I were to make a hypothesis now, I would say americans are stupid. And just so happen I have prove.

The Shrine of All Knowledge, Youtube.

NASCAR is shit. So are the fans.

Fat, stupid, shaves body hair to make a number. Typical.

75 million fans purchase over $3 billion in annual licensed product sales. Its like shoving my meatstick up Megan Fox knowing that 75 million people deserves to kiss my ass.

There is a strict criteria to be a NASCAR fan. You have to:

1) be stupid.
2) have no life.
3) own a cap that holds two soda cans with bendy straws.
4) be an american.
5) be a redneck.
6) live in a hittown.
7) love Alabama and Texas.
8) vote for President Bush.
9) own a truck.
10)be a racist.
11)shoot your own town sign.
12)own a gun.
13)love country western.
14)be a fanatic christian.
15)hate gays and/or koreans.
16)fail maths, english, science, geography, history and every other subject in the curriculum.
17)weigh like an african elephant.
18)name your son "Billy" or "Bob".

If you have fulfilled at least 16 of the above, you are most likely going to love NASCAR. In other words, suck my hairy balls of fury.

Now dickweed, If you like NASCAR, here's why you should not.

Its boring and stupid. Its like watching Brian France giving Mike Helton a blowjob while Kevin Federline licks thier nipples. All "professional" racers do is race drive around an oval track with 3 or 4 turns really quickly for about 3 hours or about 200 laps without crashing. That's not a race! That's burning fuel for nothing. Fuck. What kind of racing only has left turns?! And the only excitement it brings is the crashing, and rednecks go on somesort of orgasm over it. I might as well turn my steering wheel to the left, put a brick on the pedal, and sleep for the next 3 hours. Stupidity at its best. Heck, even Ray Charles can emerge victorious in NASCAR while playing jazz. Frankly, i would watch NASCAR if I'm out of warm milk and the chess channel is broken.

NASCAR, exciting.

NASCAR is also not in anyway manly. Not that you need abs or look like a green chunk of mutated muscles to race, but REAL racers do have impressive body conditions and skills. Here's an idea to readers who don't quite understand. An F1 car is terribly hard to drive. Very hard. We're talking carrying-Sean-Kingston-with-a-boner hard. Physically and mentally challenging. If you don't have the stamina, you lose so much energy in your body you pass out. You cant breathe due to the speed, you pass out. You go too fast in a corner, you die. You go too slow in a corner, you don't get enough downforce and grip and you will spin out and potentially die. After a lap or two, any untrained son of a bitch will feel his neck giving away, even if he's just a passenger. Not to mention the pit strategies, pit crew efficiency and weather influences. Under all these conditions, racers need to keep the best reaction times. These make F1 awesome.

As for NASCAR, strap in, drive fast, turn left. I genuinely believe anyone can race NASCAR, even if his diet is based of ice-cream, imitation cheese, chocolate and american fast food.

Someone like... him.

NASCAR racers need to be sodomised by a 3-inch diameter steel pipe. Iced.

Another thing stupid about NASCAR is obviously the rule of using stock cars only. What thrill, can UNMODIFIED STOCK CARS, welded by baboons, looks terrible with stupid numbers on it bring? Stupidly enough, they have car numbers like 00, 01, 1, 2... and so on. Why 00? What is the bloody difference between 1 and 01? It's like Paris Hilton and a thai manchick hooker with bleached hair. If that doesn't ring a bell - NO FUCKING DIFFERENCE.

Can you not see the resemblence?

Real race cars requires supreme engineering, McLaren Mercedes, Ferrari, Renault all have wonderful machines created with engineering brilliance. And they look stylish too. Stock cars, if converted to human, would look like this.

I wouldn't want a ride in that.

Scrap metal on wheels. Rubbish.

Butt naked eskimos with tortoises biting on thier balls in a blindfolded 1 kilometer race ought to be more entertaining.

Junster's Tip of the Day: If you want to watch NASCAR, buy a blender. At least it can be more colourful.

Horny girls are cool,
The Junster

NFL

2008-06-19T22:27:00.005+08:00

The Hammer :

The NFL, or National Football League is the largest professional American football league in the world.
Sounds impressive, no ?

Think again dipshits.

The NFL is the biggest American football league in the world purely because there's no competition. No one cares about American Football.

Reasons for my statement :
1. There is no American football World Cup
2. There are no major competitions involving American football that the world cares about. (even the Olympics ignores them. In your face, padding-toting pansies)
3. It involves Americans

Where real sports end, NFL begins

American Football is the manliest sport in the world, after real football (soccer, to all you American scum), rugby, Aussie Rules, cricket, tennis, badminton, swimming, bowling, ice skating, skateboarding, Formula 1, flower arranging, gymnastics, athletics, weightlifting, croquet, golf, fishing, archery, shooting, and ballet.

We're talking hairy eyeballs here.

What's not to like about the NFL ? After all, it IS 11 men covered in padding running at each other in the sole hope of advancing an oval shaped "ball" toward a giant post. Sure sounds like rugby, doesn't it ?
Maybe i'm just drunk.
(For any lucky Americans fortunate enough to stumble upon these reasons as to why your sport sucks, rugby is a REAL mans game.)

THIS is a man's sport, you sodding Yanks

So they steal the concept from rugby. I suppose I can live with that. But then, they invaded the territory of the greatest sport to have ever graced this earth.

Football

Even Chuck Norris wouldn't stand a chance

Everyone knows not to mess with football. It's like dissing Al Capone in Chicago in the 1920's.
If the world of sport was based on marking ones territory, football would be the giant rockhound which pissed everywhere and totally owned.

Football is the greatest sport ever played by man. If the Greeks knew about football back then, Zeus would wield giant footballs at his enemies in the age old myths, not pussy ass lightning bolts.

I mean, everyone knows that only Chuck Norris can wield lightning bolts and rock tits.

Zeus doesn't stand a chance

If football existed back then, Sparta wouldn't win due to their soldiers with rippling muscles and awesome fighting formations,they would merely play football so manly that all other states would give up their women and children to slavery. The only downside is that the manliest movie ever made, 300, wouldn't exist in the way we know it

They would still kill the Persians

The fact that American football stole the very NAME of football though, is what pisses The Hammer off the most.
American football has nothing in common with real football.

Football kicks American football's ass, there's simply no competition.Even hooligans that belong to real football kick more ass.

Lastly, let's just conveniently forget the fact that they don't actually use their feet in American football!

Sure puts the FOOT in football!

I mean, this "sport" has even spawned countless movies and television series which capitalise on the glamour of American football. Examples include The Longest Yard and Monday Night Football. All this just brainwashes the general public that American football is a glorious and honourable sport, whereas in reality, it's something Koreans would play.

"He" would play American football

A sport that encourages men to wear padding to bump into each other is NOT a sport. Look at rugby, all they wear are tight shirts, shorts, socks,cleats and helmets for those who have undergone brain surgery.
And when they clash, they sure clash with a vengeance.
Similiar to 2 male rhinos with raging hormones clashing over the last female rhino in the world.

Even when rhinos do this, they clash harder

But that's all from The Hammer for now. Feel free to comment if you're a brainless, dimwitted and half-brained American football fan.

No marks for guessing, but if you are, i'd guess that you'd be American

Needs to cum,
The Hammer

The Jonas Bothers.

2008-06-19T03:30:00.001+08:00

The ever rising popularity Jonas Brothers are shit. Dog shit to be precise.

The Jonas Dog Shit Brothers.

For the past month or two, the Jonas Brothers are beginning to acquire increasing popularity thanks to miss country loving californian bitch Miley Cyrus aka Miley Steward aka Destiny Hope Cyrus aka Hannah Montana aka Miss. Look!-I-have-so-many-stupid-names-just-in-case-I-forget-any!-Yay-me!

This teen pop, dance pop, BUBBLEGUM pop, and/or pop "rock" star makes a living out of spreading the conspiracy of shit music is Rock. In December 2007, she was ranked #17 in the list of Forbes Top twenty earners under 25 with an annual earning of US$3.5 million. WTF?!

Hey children! Today I, The Junster am going to play you some shit that sounds like toads having anal sex, and you little deaf sunshines are going to make me US$ 3.5 million okay?

Utter bullnuts. Big ones.

Jesus Christ! I touched Miley Cyrus today!

Back to the point.

Big nuts Brother's career started off through Disney. Typical. Like many successful celebrities today.

I miss the mickey mouse club.

Thier songs are were very Disney based, for example they played the theme song for American Dragon: Jake Long Season 2. Which sucked as bad as cold wet shit. Now they've decided to take it one step foward, wear fancy expensive clothes, play a few gay and/or korean chords and give girls with ears sized like satellite dishes a hell of a wet panty.

Of course this increasing hype over these half-wits had attracted my attention. Thus I went to the Shrine of All Knowledge, Youtube to anticipate some good shit ass rocking. I've even prepared more boxers incase I got wet as well.

What I found was staggering, I then watched some of thier music videos, live concerts and even looked up these incest loving dipshits in wikipedia.

Shrine of All Knowledge, Youtube.

Being a drummer, obviously I payed more attention to someone in my own league. In this live performance, Nick Jonas, the testicle nibbling drummer plays what he call a drum solo with some dick head beside. That weak ass drumming is repetitive, boring, stupid, slow, repetitive, and he just had to add in somemore bullshit to sound like a hip-hop wigger (wigger = white + nigger) in between bars. Fucking rubbish, watch Mike Portnoy and Joey Jordison before using the words 'drum solo'. Dick Jonas sounded more like George of the Jungle. Only more retarded.

Yesterday George smash tree, today George smash drum! duh ho ho!

Then all of a sudden, 3 clowns comes on stage. One batters a garbage can with an oversized bowling pin, like an immature fucktard, the other plays with the garbage can lid, like an immature fucktard, and one more on the fire extinguisher, like an immature fucktard. Pfft! News flash dumbass! You're not on fire! Even a video of An eskimo having missionary sex with a penguin in an igloo is hotter. And i mean it.

After 2.22 minutes of lullaby that gives babies nightmares, I had enough. Then Wikipedia told me this:

Throughout 2005, the Jonas Brothers went on several tours, including Kelly Clarkson, Jesse McCartney, the Backstreet Boys, and The Click Five. They spent the latter portion of the year on an anti-drug tour with Aly & AJ and The Cheetah Girls. Additionally, they opened for The Veronicas in early 2006.

It came to me, these posers are pussies.

You pussies!

What the fuck? No rock band plays for American Idol, blonde McGayney, the Gaystreet Boys and The Dick Five. No fucking way. And which of the greatest rock stars were anti-drugs? Slash? No. Jimi Hendrix? No. Eddie Van Halen? No. Deep Purple? No. Black Sabbath? No. The Jonas Broth... Wait... Scratch that thought. All greatest rockstars die in dignity that is drug overdose. The Cocaine Corn Team feels more than offended. This is worthy of shooting them in the crotch. Maybe bombing. Even for Osama's standards.

You're fucked with sandpaper pipes now assholes!

Go stick to christmas songs dipshit. Don't come back until you punch Santa Claus.

What guts to call themselves a rockband. Even I can drum better than Dick Jonas. Heck, my fart is a more decent music than their 2 minute fiasco. Suck my drum ass kicking dick Jonas.

Suck it.

Junster's Tip of the Day: Don't blog about the Jonas Brothers if you don't want to stumble upon pictures of shit sex, bull penis, black men's penis, gay pictures and gay music. No, seriously.Needs a blowjob from a hot chick,
The Junster

Deep Thoughts Indeed!

2008-06-18T02:19:00.003+08:00

Lazer, charging up.

I, the Lazer, would like to share a thought that I came across on the Internets that made me think. The question was:

If you somehow had a time machine and traveled back in time, to have sexual relations (ahem, ahem) with yourself, it would be..

a) Masturbation
b) Incest
c) Homosexuality

After a quick poll with a few of my buddies,
I, the Lazer, picked (a)
The Junster said (c)
The Hammer agreed with (c)
And the fourth guy, who will remain anonymous as "Jermaine", picked (a) after getting a "YOU CAN ONLY PICK ONE!" from all of us.

I'm sure that you will choose (a), Masturbation. Having sex with your former self is, technically, playing with yourself (albeit a different type of self.. getting really deep here), hence masturbation.

If you really think about it (don't strain yourself), the other answers are pretty solid too. Since you can't really think (at all), let me show you what I've found.

(b): You're related to yourself by blood. That makes incest. Gosh, that'll change the meaning of incest from "Fun for the whole family!" to "I think I'm hot too!"

(c): Homosexuality is quite true too, although that won't necessarily be the case, especially if you're Thai, or if your family name is Garrison.

On a side note, this reminds me of how Miguel Jackerson, the first person who will clone himself, would sue himself for molesting himself.

Anime

2008-06-18T00:37:00.007+08:00

The Hammer :

All you people out there, anime is disgusting. There is simply no debating it, and you fans out there shouldn't even try.

For the even bigger idiots who actually stumble upon this totally awesome blog, anime is animation, Japanese style. They adopt it from their ridiculous comics (manga) which depict impossible situations (such as a dog who is ALSO a cannon).

The dog is a cannon!

Anime is usually characterized by characters in them who are almost physically flawless. They usually have gigantic eyes, perfectly blown hair (regardless of the situation) and awesome physiques.
For example, impossibly slim women with a gigantic rack OR incredibly good looking men with rippling muscles

Get what i mean?

I mean, the only similiar racks you can find in the real world, are THESE

This would give manga a run for its money

What has always struck The Hammer as odd is that Japanese people NEVER look that good in real life, unless of course they've used abit of their shitbrick currency to pay for some nip/tuck.
I guess it's a form of compensation.

Nip/Tuck has its limits

It shouldn't really strike us as odd actually, as Japanese men have been laying down their lives for centuries, performing acts of hara-kiri or kamikaze for the sake of pride and honour.

Unfortunately, the truth is a lot less glamorous than it might seem.
The Hammer feels that Japanese men, whom are endowed with not-too-large dumbsticks, have no qualms about committing suicide because they simply have nothing to lose

The Hammer shall leave it to YOU as a reader to interpret that.

Here's a tip

But we really shouldn't deviate from anime, should we ?

The Lazer once informed The Hammer that anime has its positive effects on the Japanese population.

The Lazer was of the opinion that since Japanese children are exposed to such ridiculously impossible situations in their childhood (via anime/manga), they tend to think outside the box when they are adults, and hence are able to create awesome technology such as chairs to sleep in.

I told The Lazer to lick my honey glazed balls.

Anime is simply vile and disgusting. It shouldn't even be considered a cartoon. Anime ought not to be mentioned in the same breath as great cartoons or animations such as Shrek, Family Guy, The Simpson or South Park.

Anime doesn't stand a chance

The plots of anime shows are usually more predictable than what 2 Korean men would do if left alone in a room filled with dildos. ( See "Korea" post by Junster if lost)

The sequence usually goes as such:
1. The hero/heroine is introduced ( He or she is usually stunning to look at)
2. The villain is introduced
3. They battle.
4. The hero/heroine suffers a terrible loss
5. The hero/heroine finds his/her "inner strength" and overcomes the "adversity"
6. The hero/heroine wins the final battle
7. The anime fan cums because he/she has never seen a "show" that "thought provoking"

I mean HONESTLY, you tasteless, morally bankrupt morons, how could you possibly enjoy it ?

It's like glorified soft porn, which is just as bad as a documentary on whales eating plankton or a James Bond movie with no women.

But i guess i've ranted enough for the day. Spending more than an hour a week on anime, whether criticizing, watching or wanking to is simply unacceptable and is against most religions.

Hence, The Hammer bids you a wonderful day!

Wants a lapdance,
The Hammer

Know your target customers

2008-06-16T23:06:00.015+08:00

Lazer, charging up.

I, the Lazer, am sure that you would've at least heard about Apples already. Yes, Apple. Apple has seen a tremendous rise to popularity, probably with the success of versions after versions of their music (and now, also video and photo) player, the iPod.

We all know that Apple products are popular, largely because of their sleek and elegant designs. The smooth curves of their PCs, the scarcity of buttons on their iPods, the stylish minimalist packaging, et cetera, make them pleasing to the eye. The first thought that enters a person's mind when walking into an Apple shop would be that everything there look very cool.

I, the Lazer, am not going to say that Macs are stupid today, because that would just be as redundant as saying "Raincoats are waterproof".

Instead, let us turn our eyes to their advertising methods. I, the Lazer, think that they're very clever at that.

Safari. Apple's latest web browser. A friend of mine, an iGay, directed me to this page when I, the Lazer, replied "What's Safari?" when he said "The iPhone will have Safari too."

At first glance, I, the Lazer, was impressed by the performance comparisons with other popular web browser programmes. I, the Lazer, proceeded to look at the other features as suggested on the left.

Safari has:Elegant, you say?Safari has:
But are Firefox users impressed?
Safari has:but if I, the Lazer, press Ctrl+F,
Safari has:
It's nothing new, really.
Safari has an innovative idea:But I, the Lazer, think that the only innovative part of it is the stylish, sleek, and simplistic icon.
Safari has:
I, the Lazer, wouldn't have known that Firefox has it too, if I, the Lazer, haven't compared the two.

I, the Lazer, am sure that you will understand the features that I, the Lazer, am too lazy to mention and compare, and you will realise that they're nothing new.

I, the Lazer, have come to the conclusion that Apple targets bimbos and jocks to buy their products a long time ago. Anyone with an ounce of computer knowledge (like me) will find that all of the product features stated above can be found with just about any browser. Computer illiterates, however, will go "Oooh! This is cool!" and proceed with iGayism.

-There's always the other guy-

Korea!

2008-06-16T21:25:00.005+08:00

Koreans are gay. That's not an opinion, its a fact.

Gay

Countless people who failed to see the truth tend to ask me why do I bang koreans all the time. I mean whats there to hate about those harmless, innocent, industrious little fellows right? Wrong.

I never liked koreans, whats likable about them anyways?

Love Korea!
i) Because.....
ii) Because......... Love Korea!!! 우리는 동성애 자 !!!

Why Not Love Korea?
i) The existance of North and South Korea = stupid
ii) Half of Korea are brainwashed dipshit communists and they will shoot you if you say the word america.
iii) The other half of Korea adores america.
iv) Their women are cranky, loud and rude, directly proportional to age and weight.
v) Their men are women.
vi) They eat kim chi.
vii) Korean products last as long as a premature ejaculation.

Much more could be said but i would need as many pages as the Bible.

Honestly whats is there to like about koreans? Boy bands or korean drama? Hmm thats a tough nut decision. While korean gay boy band songs are... well... gay, korean shows are gay too. Its all so well balanced. Korean dramas typically revolves around a plot of 2 men, 1 flat woman and a hotel. Not to mention kim chi. Also a very gay ass theme song, sung by korean boy bands.

While we are at it, korean food sucks. Period. I've been to korea, and everyone in the tour decided to buy korean instant noodles and dump it in the korean steamboat. Which sucked as well. Korean tables come with a stove, and plenty of side dishes including tasteless anchovies and tasteless seaweed topped with table salt. Again, kim chi of course. To prove thier intelligence (if any), they also decided to eat raw, live mini octopuses. There was a case or a few where koreans did'nt chew thier "delicacy" well and died because thier FOOD sucked on to thier throat, suffocating them. Good going dumbass, the prey became the predator. Just stick to Pork would you? And good riddance, try to use a chopstick at least thicker than a japanese dick.

As I was saying, korea has the gayest men in the world. The only thing gayer than Marilyn Manson is a korean man. Any gayer than that would be 2 korean men, and so on. Why not see it to believe it yea? If a picture speaks a thousand words, a video is bound to speak 24 times more than a picture in a second.

Here's from the shrine of knowledge youtube:

Take this boyband BATTLE for instance. Battle is one of the manliest word ever to be produced by the human voice. And they have the ballocks to call themselves battle. Fine. They have 3 rappers and 3 vocalist. What is the fucking difference between a fucking rapper and a fucking vocalist?

Whoa! So it takes 6 gays to sing a korean song? Guess again bitch. Meet korean boyband Super Junior! featuring 13, thirteen, THIRTEEN blithering idiots to sing a song. That's like a fucking gay fest on stage. Thank god there isn't any nude beach in korea. Not that they care anyways, they each have 12 partners to play with. Damn even for one a day, they won't be able to shag every member in a week.

Super Dick Sucking Junior

Thats 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12..... Way to go dick suckers, you guys left out Mr. I'm-still-trying-to-suck-my-dick in the last caravan gay party. Thier hairs have more color than Alaskan auroras.

Shall any of you readers of Cocaine Corn disagree or gay enough to be not convinced, look up Dong Bang Shin Ki or Kangta. Again, if you still disagree, you are possibly wrong and definately a homosexual.

Enough of gay talk, One more stupid thing about koreans are its products. 3 of the commonly known korean products:

Phones - LG and Samsung.
Too many useless buttons and shorter lifespan than a jewish foreskin. By the way, LG does not mean "Life's Good" as many may know. In fact, that's just the tagline of the company. The company name is actually "Lucky GoldStar". I don't know about you but i personally find it hilarious. Lucky GoldStar.... Lucky GoldStar.... Lucky GoldStar......... Lucky GoldStar......

Cars - SsangYong, Kia and Hyundai.
SsangYong genuinely sounds like a cheap Hot Wheels knock off toy car brand. Thier cars just proves my statement. Neither Hyundai or SsangYong manufactures stylish or useful cars. Take the Kia Cee'd for an instance.

Kia Ceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed

SsangYong Kyron

Inventions - Kim Chi
No elaborations necessary.

On that bombshell, its the end of the post.

Junster's Tip of the Day: Don't go to Korea.

Eat shit,
The Junster

Photography ? Art ?

2008-06-15T23:46:00.005+08:00

The Hammer has always thought of photography as overrated.

They say, photography is an art.
Then again, art is the Mona Lisa, Winged Victory, straight porn or a perfectly grilled steak. Not photography.

I mean, all a lad has to do is pick a camera that cost as much as the GDP of Bulgaria, and snap a photo of a beautiful scene, and the photographer is catapulted to stardom. Those sorry sods with pastels and paintbrushes must feel real hard done by.

Utter bullshit.

The only exception is when Alberto Korda snapped that amazingly beautiful picture of Che Guevara which we now know as "Guerrillero Heroico" which appears on t-shirts, graffiti-stained walls and bags worldwide.

NOW THIS IS ART

I mean, honestly, all you photographers out there, checking the amount of light in your lens with a histogram before you snap a picture is NOT art. You may whine and argue all you want, but that's a fact of life, so WAKE UP MORONS.

Any of you who still think that photography is an art ought to be shot.
In the goolies.
Twice.

The real losers of this argument though, are the genuine artists who get their hands dirty by painting over a piece of canvas or carving a naked angel out of solid marble.

Sorry Da Vinci!

- The Hammer

Introducing The Lazer

2008-06-15T02:06:00.004+08:00

Lazer, charging up.

No blog is complete without idiocy and random ramblings of the blogger's state of life. I, the Lazer, shall contribute to this.. blog in this manner. Whilst The Junster and The Hammer (can't touch him), I, the Lazer, am certain, will try their best to impress upon thee their brilliance and eloquence, I, the Lazer, shall be content on merely speaking my mind.

I laze, therefore I am.

Introducing The Junster

2008-06-15T00:16:00.005+08:00

I, The Junster am dedicated to bring you a blog reading experience like no other. Mostly focusing on stupid issues instead of stupid lunch at T.G.I Fridays, I will also throw in some opinions and suggestions which i genuinely think is brilliant.

From the manliest to pussiest and/or Fall Out Boys, Cocaine Corn will be more than happy to spawn such posts here.

Junster

Introducing The Hammer

2008-06-14T23:52:00.001+08:00

The Hammer :

The Hammer is pleased to introduce himself as one of the authors of this recently created blog aimed at defying standard blog fare which is centred enlightening the reader of the blogger's personal life.

Instead, this blog is here so that we can air OUR opinions on topics ranging from music to the funniest books ever written to how removing your intercostal muscles allow you to you blow yourself.

Please enjoy!

- The Hammer

WELCOME!

2008-06-14T23:00:00.000+08:00

WELCOME TO COCAINE CORN!

We, The Cocaine Corn Team, are proud to announce that we have recruited a team of creative geniuses that is The Hammer, The Junster and The Lazer in creating a blog that promises to expunge all previous misconceptions about blogs.

People, for years, blogs have been abused with an intensity that would frighten Amnesty International. Girls worldwide have been blogging about their nightlife shenanigans whereas men worldwide have merely become women.

We, at Cocaine Corn, intend to change that.

Enjoy!