Anyone remembers Alpha 5?
Just like him.The other day I was cruising comfortably on the road at a comfortable 60. People who know me knows I'm not a so-called adrenaline pumping, fast driving, risk taking bloke who has an obsession of welding my skull to the nearest lamp post. And there I was, on that rainy afternoon just comfortably driving with a third of my eyes closed, just lowering down my chilling air-con and listening to some sweet symphony of metal. I can see the little droplets of rain dropping on my windshield, I thought it was forming some word, something like "Tits"... but I'm not sure. Then there was the clouds, the dark low clouds taking form of a black unicorn... The birds flying by soaking wet trying to... HOLYFUCKS!
O_O
It's either that or the utter dipshit on the other end of the spectrum. There you go pissed off being stuck in a traffic jam, then to your right you see this blithering idiot in a BMW, leaving this gap between his stupid German metal on wheels with the car in front. MOVE UP dumbass! Things you can fit in that stupid gap include:
(In ascending order in size)
1) 30 catholic priests
2) 10 tonnes of cheese
3) 1 baby whale
4) 2 weeks of government bullshit
5) Oprah Winfrey (barely)
It's a fucking jammed up road, people are trying to get to where they want to go quick, and you're definitely not helping. Watching you is like watching a blind man being molested by a Swedish homosexual with a shiny chin, butt naked.
Just because you afford a big ass German car doesn't mean you have to act like some meddling redneck gangster on the road. Yes it is a BMW, big fucking deal. Fuck BMW's. Let's see how gangster you are when your face has permanently chemically bonded with the tree, and not die. I hope the ants eat your eyeballs.
If you want to be a sensible, normal and civilised person, buy something else. Anything. Except Korean cars. If you are such an utter hooligan that's addicted to bad ass driving, buy yourself a Volvo. Volvo's are made to destroy. It is possibly Sweden's secret military solution. My friend once had a Volvo, he was sleeping until he felt a nudge. The driver and his family got out of the car, turns out they rammed a bull dead. With this kind of monster on the road, we obviously need to put up more signs.
Her as in the cow, not the driver. Feminist groups, go away.
The car suffered a dent size of a Korean ball (if Korean balls exists). The bull, playing chess with Mr. Jesus. GOOD NEWS! Are you a butcher? Do you work in a boring slaughterhouse? Tired of making a living out of electrocuting cows? Bored of watching exsanguinating cows upside down? Don't worry! Now there's a solution to your meaningless empty life!
Just ram a nearest cow with a Volvo and push it to a nearest station to process it's meat. So much more ethical than paralysing it with electricity and slicing its arteries, leaving it bleed to death. Now meat production has never been so much fun. The process is fun, and Sweden enjoys an additional growth in GDP, win-win situation. And the rest of you can still suck on your stupid beef.
Fuck Beef.Personally, I don't fancy Volvo's. But the country that made Ikea cannot suck that bad. So try a Volvo. If it breaks down really quickly, take it as the price of being a gangster on the road. Oh, and HAHA!
I end my post with a song from Sweden. Enjoy.
The Junster
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