U.S.A

The Hammer:

I Hate Baseball.

That should be sung along the bleachers of Fenway Park, and not "Take me out to the ball game!".

Fenway Park. The Tartarus Plains of sport

Baseball, according to Wikipedia (a creation of God to topple Google because Google was getting more powerful than God, and God absolutely hates it when a creation of Man is trying to destabalise Him. See www.thechurchofgoogle.org for more information.) is a bat and ball sport played between two teams of nine players each.

The new Messiah ?

The goal of baseball is to score runs by hitting a thrown ball with a bat and touching a series of four markers called bases arranged at the corners of a ninety-foot square, or diamond. Players on one team (the batting team) take turns hitting while the other team (the fielding team) tries to stop them from scoring runs by getting hitters out in any of several ways. A player on the batting team can stop at any of the bases and hope to score on a teammate's hit. The teams switch between batting and fielding whenever the fielding team gets three outs. One turn at bat for each team constitutes an inning; nine innings make up a professional game. The team with the most runs at the end of the game wins.

If you're good at hitting and running!

So basically, you hit a ball swung at you and run, and there's innings.
Sure sounds alot like cricket, wouldn't you say? Minus the tactics involved of course. But never forget to add in the ridiculous amount of hot dogs and beer consumed at one of the games of this foolhardy "sport"

Now THIS is a bat-and-ball sport

As I have pointed out in my post entitled "NFL", Americans are not creative at all. America has merely spent their centuries of existence imitating the truly great nations or blatantly stealing from their crop of outstanding citizens.

The greatest American scientist ever was a Jewish German named Albert Einstein. Of course, the Americans offered him sanctuary during World War 2 so he could build the atomic bomb and the rest as they say, is history.

This was probably AFTER he defected

Americans have also created a truly innovative invention known as "imitation cheese". It is made from a combination of casien and vegetable oil and contains no dairy products, but thats the limit of The Hammer's scientific knowledge. This form of cheese, as its name suggests, imitates the characteristics of cheese but is not the real thing. Sound familiar ? (NFL or baseball anyone?)

Imitation cheese. Made in the USA

But that is not all,

Americans have always wanted to stand out, to be original.

To do that, they're even willing to mess with the English language. It's scandalous, it really is.

From maximise to maximize and recognise to recognize, Americans have regularly assaulted the English language with a frightening lack or morals that would make Machiavelli shudder.

*Shudders*

The fact that they pronounce semi as "sem-eye", or Iraq as "Eye-raq" is also mindblowingly ridiculous. I've heard of being a non-comformist, but this pretty much tests the boundaries of that principle.

The fact that Microsoft Word underlines my spelling in red when i spell recognise without a 'z' also gets under my skin like those filthy scarab beetles from The Mummy

Heck, even Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone is named differently on the wrong side of the Atlantic.

I'm surprised they didn't change the authors name

To Americans worldwide : It's alright to speak correct English!

Another leech that chews on the metaphorical skin of The Hammer is the way American sports are fashioned.

In true American tradition, the only way to succeed in American sports is to be 6 feet 6 inches, run 100 metres in 10 seconds, and be black.

Success!

Oh yeah, it helps if BALCO supplies you with anabolic steroids. Live with your smaller-than-usual testicles, Barry Bonds.

I would look like that too if i had nuts the size of quail eggs

Another issue that riles with The Hammer is the fact that America feels that it can boss the world around without repercussion. So what if some North Korean scientists are detonating nuclear warheads underground 2000 miles away ?

So what if Iran is building nuclear power plants for their long suffering citizens?

America also suffers from the misconception that they reign supreme.

Due to brands such as McDonalds, Nike and Coca-Cola, the world has been forced fed American commercialism since the end of World War 2.

America's contribution to the world!

It is despicable.

Americans are so culturally bankrupt because they do not feel the need to study or respect other cultures or traditions, and American arrogance has reigned supreme in the world of the 21st century.

This coming from a nation which markets burgers and hot dogs as its national dish?

Sure looks healthy

What about the Italians, who invented pizza and spaghetti?
What of the British, who invented roast beef and Yorkshire pudding?
What of those pussy Japanese, who invented sushi, sashimi and California rolls ?

And finally, what of the Chinese , who have a culinary history longer and filled with more tales than America's civil war annals ?

That's the shit!

The 21st century has been a bankrupt time in human history. It is time to rewrite the history books.