NASCAR.

Racing is cool. There's just no arguement on the sheer excitement you get as you watch one man trying to get another mother fucker to inhale deadly emission from his vehicle. NASCAR however is not the case. And no amounts of car crashes and dying rednecks will be able to change that.

NASCAR sucks sea otter blubbery balls. First of all, you don't want a long name for a motorsport. It's just lame, like a nerd race. I see it now: National Computer BIOS-Operating System-Hardware Configuration Repairs While Not Spontaneously Ejaculate Over Naked Girl Face Off. Decent race event, for an american that is.

Cool motorsports events always have short names. Formula One, or even better F1, MotoGP, World Rally Championship, or in short WRC.

National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing. Pfft. I bet they need extra large billboards just like how every americans need extra large sizes of everything.

What will they do without a short form.

NASCAR is the stupidest, most pointless form of racing ever introduced. In fact, its one of the most stupid and pointless things amerifags has to offer to the world, along with MTV, imitation cheese, Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader, stupidity, NFL and more. NASCAR is the second-most popular professional sport in terms of television ratings inside the U.S. Just behind NFL. If I were to make a hypothesis now, I would say americans are stupid. And just so happen I have prove.

The Shrine of All Knowledge, Youtube.




NASCAR is shit. So are the fans.

Fat, stupid, shaves body hair to make a number. Typical.

75 million fans purchase over $3 billion in annual licensed product sales. Its like shoving my meatstick up Megan Fox knowing that 75 million people deserves to kiss my ass.

There is a strict criteria to be a NASCAR fan. You have to:

1) be stupid.
2) have no life.
3) own a cap that holds two soda cans with bendy straws.
4) be an american.
5) be a redneck.
6) live in a hittown.
7) love Alabama and Texas.
8) vote for President Bush.
9) own a truck.
10)be a racist.
11)shoot your own town sign.
12)own a gun.
13)love country western.
14)be a fanatic christian.
15)hate gays and/or koreans.
16)fail maths, english, science, geography, history and every other subject in the curriculum.
17)weigh like an african elephant.
18)name your son "Billy" or "Bob".

If you have fulfilled at least 16 of the above, you are most likely going to love NASCAR. In other words, suck my hairy balls of fury.

Now dickweed, If you like NASCAR, here's why you should not.

Its boring and stupid. Its like watching Brian France giving Mike Helton a blowjob while Kevin Federline licks thier nipples. All "professional" racers do is race drive around an oval track with 3 or 4 turns really quickly for about 3 hours or about 200 laps without crashing. That's not a race! That's burning fuel for nothing. Fuck. What kind of racing only has left turns?! And the only excitement it brings is the crashing, and rednecks go on somesort of orgasm over it. I might as well turn my steering wheel to the left, put a brick on the pedal, and sleep for the next 3 hours. Stupidity at its best. Heck, even Ray Charles can emerge victorious in NASCAR while playing jazz. Frankly, i would watch NASCAR if I'm out of warm milk and the chess channel is broken.

NASCAR, exciting.

NASCAR is also not in anyway manly. Not that you need abs or look like a green chunk of mutated muscles to race, but REAL racers do have impressive body conditions and skills. Here's an idea to readers who don't quite understand. An F1 car is terribly hard to drive. Very hard. We're talking carrying-Sean-Kingston-with-a-boner hard. Physically and mentally challenging. If you don't have the stamina, you lose so much energy in your body you pass out. You cant breathe due to the speed, you pass out. You go too fast in a corner, you die. You go too slow in a corner, you don't get enough downforce and grip and you will spin out and potentially die. After a lap or two, any untrained son of a bitch will feel his neck giving away, even if he's just a passenger. Not to mention the pit strategies, pit crew efficiency and weather influences. Under all these conditions, racers need to keep the best reaction times. These make F1 awesome.

As for NASCAR, strap in, drive fast, turn left. I genuinely believe anyone can race NASCAR, even if his diet is based of ice-cream, imitation cheese, chocolate and american fast food.

Someone like... him.

NASCAR racers need to be sodomised by a 3-inch diameter steel pipe. Iced.

Another thing stupid about NASCAR is obviously the rule of using stock cars only. What thrill, can UNMODIFIED STOCK CARS, welded by baboons, looks terrible with stupid numbers on it bring? Stupidly enough, they have car numbers like 00, 01, 1, 2... and so on. Why 00? What is the bloody difference between 1 and 01? It's like Paris Hilton and a thai manchick hooker with bleached hair. If that doesn't ring a bell - NO FUCKING DIFFERENCE.

Can you not see the resemblence?

Real race cars requires supreme engineering, McLaren Mercedes, Ferrari, Renault all have wonderful machines created with engineering brilliance. And they look stylish too. Stock cars, if converted to human, would look like this.

I wouldn't want a ride in that.

Scrap metal on wheels. Rubbish.

Butt naked eskimos with tortoises biting on thier balls in a blindfolded 1 kilometer race ought to be more entertaining.

Junster's Tip of the Day: If you want to watch NASCAR, buy a blender. At least it can be more colourful.

Horny girls are cool,
The Junster